Building habits is hard—particularly good habits.
How can I go to the gym every morning but can’t eat Healthy?
I have been able to nail many habits I struggled with previously, such as daily writing, morning gym, and weekly posting of the newsletter, but then there are other habits I haven’t been able to nail.
For ten years, I have been trying to reduce my sugar intake and control my weight, but I keep falling in and out of healthy eating habits.
Why?
Seems like I found the answer.
According to Gretchen Rubin, habit-building depends on how you respond to expectations. When we try to form a new habit, we set an expectation for ourselves. So it is crucial to understand how we respond to expectations.
There are two kinds of expectations:
- Outer expectations — meet work deadlines, observe traffic regulations, etc.
- Inner expectations — write daily, keep New Year’s resolutions, etc.
Our response to expectations determines our tendencies to build habits.
Knowing our tendency can help us set up situations in which it is more likely that we’ll achieve our aims. We can make better decisions, meet deadlines, meet our promises to ourselves, suffer less stress, and engage more deeply with others.
In the book The Four Tendencies, Gretchen Rubin hypothesized that to respond to expectations, just about everyone falls into one of four distinct groups:
- Upholder
- Questioner
- Obliger or
- Rebel
Upholders
Upholders respond readily to both outer and inner expectations. They wake up and think, What is on schedule and the To-Do List for today? They want to know what is expected of them and to meet those expectations. They are self-directed and have little trouble meeting commitments, keeping resolutions, or meeting deadlines.
Questioners
Questioners question all expectations. They will meet expectations only if they believe it is justified. They wake up and think, What needs to get done today and why? They decide for themselves whether a course of action is a good idea and they resist doing anything that seems to lack sound purpose.
Obligers
Obligers respond readily to outer expectations, but struggle to meet inner expectations. They wake up and think, What must I do today? Because Obligers resist inner expectations, it’s difficult for them to self-motivate to build a habit. They depend on external accountability.
Rebels
Rebels resist all expectations and will meet an expectation only as an act of choice. They value their freedom and won’t tolerate it for anything. They wake up and think, What do I want to do today? They resist control, even self-control, and enjoy flouting rules and expectations.
You can take a quiz on Gretchen Rubin’s website to find out what is your tendency. It surely helps you know what tendency you are to figure out what measures to take to make sure you build the habit you are trying to build.
Seems like I am a rebel. I resist control. I set up routines and then break them because I get sick of them. I like waking up and asking myself What can I eat today?
It used to be the same with writing as well. I hated to stick with one niche. I wanted to write whatever I feel like. I still do. What kept me in writing and helped me develop consistency is the variety. The more varied topics I write about, the more excited I get.
I have applied the same approach to losing weight. I tried different diets. But that didn’t work. As you know, diets only want you to eat more when you come out of them. And then you gain all the weight you have lost.
I still have to find a way to build a healthy eating habits. And I think the answer lies in Identity Based Habit. I will write about it next.
